Czari is an eighteen year-old art student who considers this blog as her personal journal. This is where she posts her inspiration, adventures, works, and thoughts.
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This morning, I woke up to this email from Tumblr. Four years. Happy 4th birthday to my blog! I remember those times when I was still reblog-blog soulstriker then kpop-blog roborockets until now when my username is 950501 (my birthday ^^) when I have decided to only post about personal stuff.

Looking at my humble current stats (35 posts, 224 followers), you may think that I am one lazy blogger. I admit that I am, and also the fact that things got really busy with school and extra-curricular activities that’s why I never had time to write that much here. :(

Hmm.. so now that I am reminded that I have been here for four years already, I think I owe my blog a resolution. I promise to be more active! 

Here’s to another (hopefully more productive) year on Tumblr! Cheers!

KPop Republic Concert

It is no secret that I am a big fan of SHINee. For years, I have been following these five talented korean flower boys that I dub as “life ruiners.” I’ve been purchasing their albums, voting for them on online polls, attending fanclub events, following updates about them… supporting them with all my heart! I have been watching their concerts too…!!

…but only through the magical internet. I’m cheering here at home, while SHINee is performing somewhere far away. This was always the case.. until the blessed 7th day of September this year. *keyboard smash*

It was the first week of July when @happeesy announced that MY BOYS ARE FINALLY COMING BACK HERE IN THE PHILIPPINES AFTER ALMOST THREE LONG YEARS OF WAITING AND THEY’LL BE PERFORMING IN A CONCERT. A CONCERT, I SAY!

To my dismay, it won’t be a solo concert, but since it’s SHINee, I ordered a VIP Gold ticket in a heartbeat. July to September felt like forever and ain’t nobody got time to blog about those painful, painful days of me getting super impatient and excited so ugh here we go! D-DAY!

(Note: some photos here are thanks to my friend, Kuya Dreo. but most are mine hehe)image

SHINee World Philippines sold shirts and lightsticks specially designed for this event. My friends and I availed these cheering pacs and daaamn was it a great decision! Though the shirt color isn’t really SHINee’s “pearlescent skyblue”, it was comfy and the design is cool! And the lightstick..

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..was gorgeous! I seriously cried when I first held it. *yes Czari is Queen of Overreacting* Anyway, going back to the concert experience..

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Our Shawol line! Kuya Dreo was seated on my right (he’s the one who took this photo) then on my left are Divina and Ate Pearl. The organizers said DSLR cameras aren’t allowed in the venue but lol we’ve successfully brought in three DSLRs because we are fan-ninjas.

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The concert started around 7:30pm - hosts Filipino singer Christian Bautista and Korean (but works here in the PH) model/DJ Jinki Park came out and asked some people from the audience to dance the Gangnam Style. The rest of the audience will choose who danced the best and however wins will get a chance to dance with the special guests. I wasn’t really paying much attention to this because I was all “BRING OUT SHINEE ALREADY” kind of grumpy. 

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First to perform was the Rap/Electro duo Crispi Crunch! I don’t know much about these artists, as well as their songs, but all I can say from what I’ve watched is that they are great performers! Their stage presence is good enough for the audience to party with them although it was the first time we encountered their duo. I’d like to acknowledge CSP because he made effort to communicate with the audience in his cute English and is so so humble to give out very nice words about his co-member and SooMin.

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Speaking of SooMin, she’s a member of the group April Kiss. But this time, she performed alone and featured in some of Crispi Crunch’s acts. Also, she sang an OPM song in her solo stage. I don’t know the title of the song, nor understand the lyrics she’s singing but she’s pretty and I’m touched by the effort to learn a local song. 

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Dal Shabet! I’ve known about this girl group since their debut but never really followed them because girls groups don’t interest me that much especially if they are the mainstream cutesy type. But watching Dal Shabet perform live, though they are - in my opinion - the typical kind of girl group, they have their own kind of charm that makes people watch them with a smile. :)

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EXO-K! Though SHINee is the main reason why I’ve attended this concert, I have been looking forward to watch these boys perform too! I have seen them last January on DKFConcert and until now, they are still the sweet sweet hardworking that they once were! ♥ 

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EXO-K during the 365 stage! ♥ Loved how they looked so happy to perform here again and I super appreciate how they are all in full spirits - they told us they want to make up for the absence of the other six members. EXO-K so precious I wanna keep them in a glass case huhu ;A;

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Can I just take this moment to discuss how Kuya Dreo is the best fanboy I’ve ever met? HAHAHA! He entered the stadium with fully-charged phone and cameras (yes you read this right! he’s brought in two cameras: a digicam and a DSLR lol), memory cards (of course he brought extras, too!) I bet he has documented everything in! Such dedication - I superbly admire! HAHA!

And finally, the moment I could never forget.. *drumrolls please*

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SHINee!! ♥ There was this really evil 10-second countdown before they got on stage. And I swear I was hyperventilating, I wanted to puke rainbows right then and there, I almost lost grip of my lightstick and camera (and my heart) lol yeah it was that kind of anticipation.

I’m going to save you readers from all my incomprehensible spazzing so yeah.. SHINee performed Dream Girl, Lucifer, Stranger, Beautiful, then lastly, Why So Serious. Short setlist, but in my honest opinion, seeing them live was priceless and makes me not think of all the $$$ I’ve spent just for that thirty minutes or so of fangirl euphoria.

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My beloved Kim Kibum… he’s as flawless as ever! If we were to award something like the Star of the Night, he would definitely get it! Not being biased, but he was really amazing that night. Aside from looking super great, he also did Minho’s parts and ugh I can’t put into words how much I appreciate the energy and the radiant vibe he has shared to all of us. :’( 

Anyway, Onew was a cutie, Jonghyun was same ol’ King Jonghyun (never expected less from this dude),  and although he was a little grumpy, Taeminnie - or should I say, Taeman - was powerful.

In other news, I have been video-recording during the concert too! But I was soooo loud and the video was the nauseating kind of shaky, that’s why I didn’t upload my fancams. But I compiled some funny and glorious moments in this video. Watch on your own risk! LOL I was really loud so hmm.. I suggest you turn the volume down and think twice about watching if you’re on loudspeakers hahaha!

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Obligatory group photos! ♥ I think one of the best things about this experience is that I got to spend it with my treasured friends. Even if I’m in the moshpit - only an armlength away from touching oppa’s feet - I wouldn’t completely enjoy if I don’t have people I could strangle while I cheer wild spazz along with! Thank you Ate Pearl, Prince Charming kuya Dreo, bebegurl Divina, and Keebabe for making that night extra memorable :”> 

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So after the concert, we had our late dinner at Jollibee (best day ever for me i swear!) and made new friends from Kuya Dreo’s circle. Also, look at our call-numbers! 09-07 for September 7, D-DAY! And 09-23… Kibum’s birthday. Or maybe I’m just connecting these things out of blind happiness, haha!

Right now I’m contemplating if this is going to be the last concert I will attend (at least at the duration of college schooling) because of some issues, but if it is going to be the last, I definitely wouldn’t regret anything and would still look back to this day as one of the most special. ♥

Thank you, I’m sorry, and I miss you.

Thank you for being one the most caring friends I’d ever had. You had always been there for me – you make me smile with your sweet messages, make me burst out laughing with your silly antics, keep me company being by my side, and ugh I don’t know all I can say is that we were inseparable back then and I even felt like you were the other half of me, like you were a gift given to me to make my life so much better. You listened to whatever I have to say, whether they are gibberish or serious stuff. You sang me to sleep on difficult nights. You embraced me into your life and made me stay. You made it a point to make me feel special every single day. You never failed to cheer me up. You always had the heart to understand me, my weird decisions in life, and failing arguments. You were the perfect guy bestfriend, and I couldn’t thank the heavens enough because I met someone like you. Thank you, thank you so much for loving me and being my ultimate companion during those days when I feel down – even when I’m high from happiness. Thank you for treating me like the princess I have always wished to be. You made me feel super and ugh to be honest words aren’t really enough to express how much I am thankful to you.

I’m sorry if I messed your feelings up. Sorry if my actions and words hurt you in any way, I swear I didn’t mean it. Sorry if I had become insensitive towards the gestures you were sending me. Sorry if I led you somewhere dark and unconsciously left you along the way – lost and in despair. Sorry I made you cry (it breaks my heart as well). Sorry I almost never opened up when you were knocking my door. Sorry I couldn’t be honest to you all the time. Sorry I had to keep things from you, when you let me read you like an open book. Sorry I had been awkward when I found out about your feelings. Sorry I made you feel like trash. Sorry if you think I took you for granted. Sorry you had to go through a lot because of me. I know nothing I do could take back all the pain and sadness but at least, I want you to know that I was the one who messed things up and you… I was never any good to you. :’(

I miss you. I miss how we could talk about anything and everything. I miss the late-night conversations – even though they could get really crazy sometimes. I miss playing lovers with you, although I know it started all this fuss and ugh nevermind. I miss being the one (or at least one of those people) you trust and run to when you have problems. I miss you. So much.

I couldn’t get myself to talk to you right now because I don’t know, there’s a lot of feelings and I wanted to give you time(?) to think things carefully because you are risking a lot just by saying that you’ll be there for me forever and always and it pains me to see you smiling when you’re with me but is actually messed up inside. Now that I could feel like you’re hating on me enough to kick me out of your life, I’m relieved(?) because you wouldn’t have to go through my bullshit anymore but at the same time, the selfish part of me is sad and angry because… I never really wanted things to change. To be honest, I don’t even remember who’s the first one to be distant but if you think this is for the better, then okay, I understand.

Hey, I want you to know that I love you – maybe not the way lovers do but I do.. I even think my love for you is something more special than romantic love (I can’t explain), and I care care care for you. I may not always say it or act like it but you will always be special to me and ugh I hate myself for being such a coward and not say these things personally instead. </3